


i know it (with all my heart)

by Irratia



Series: shining bright - the idiot adventures [5]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Swearing, This Is Sappy As Hell, that's what they are and i stand by it, this is dumb and entirely too self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:36:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28099311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irratia/pseuds/Irratia
Summary: Alex isn’t as impulsive as his best friends are.But considering said best friends are Luke and Reggie, that doesn’t mean much.He’s too in his head at times, to make snap decisions, and while he isn’t afraid of speaking his mind, he usually takes care in what he says.Not right now, though.ORAlex says "I love you" for the first time.(part of a series but can be read as a standalone)
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie & Willie, Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: shining bright - the idiot adventures [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989781
Comments: 27
Kudos: 217





	i know it (with all my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> hello y'all! i am, once again, back on my willex bullshit  
> this is really just sappy and indulgent as hell, and i'm not sorry, i'm too soft for them, so like, consider this a warning? idk i was deep in my feels the entire time i was writing this.  
> i hope you enjoy anyway, and as always, thank you so much for reading! :D

Willie has been his boyfriend for almost three months, when Alex has his first panic attack in front of him. Things go way better than expected.  
Willie takes care of him, and is calm, and sweet and respectful.  
When Alex can finally breathe again, and holds onto Willie and his steady breathing and soothing voice for dear life, he knows that he can’t run from his feelings for much longer.  
When Willie sings for him he thinks his heart might stop because he did not expect the other boy's voice to be as beautiful as it is. He gets so focused on listening to Willie that he forgets about his anxiety for a moment.

And things go well. Willie doesn’t think his panic attacks are annoying, holds his hand despite the marks showing that Alex tried to use pain to ground himself instead of eating the ginger sweets Luke gave him after they read online that eating something you despise can help stop anxiety from spiralling.  
Willie lets Alex sleep on him that afternoon and isn’t weird about it.  
He doesn’t tiptoe around him the next day. Doesn’t baby him. Continues like normal.

Alex knows that there isn’t much anymore, that he can do to avoid confronting his feelings.  
The gender reveal party happens, and it’s shit, but he keeps getting memes and messages from all of his friends, and that makes it bearable.

A week and a half after his panic attack, the paper thin barrier breaks.

They’re all in the studio, well, minus Flynn, because a relative is celebrating their birthday and she has to be there.  
They’ll probably have a sleepover though, judging by how time is flying by.  
And it’s a Friday night, and Ray and Rose are super chill and none of them have a home they need to go back to.  
Luke and Emily had another fight yesterday, Reggie’s parents are, well. They’re his parents and don’t really care.  
Alex’s won’t care as long as he says he’s with Julie, and Caleb isn’t home anyway, so Willie would be alone.

They’re all scattered around the room, practice over and homework forgotten for the moment. Julie and Alex are sitting on the couch, side by side as she paints his fingernails alternating between pastel pink and black, and it’s definitely not because Willie said that he likes that colour combo on him when he wore his black jean jacket over his pink shirt. Nope.

“Stay still!” she commands, but it’s hard because the guys are being stupid and he can’t stop laughing and she’s giggling as well and struggles to keep her strokes straight.

Which doesn’t matter because he isn’t either.  
Straight, that is.

He’s reminded of that fact every time he so much as thinks of Willie, or sneaks glances at him, or kisses him, or holds his hand.  
Basically everything Willie does just makes him gayer.

Sometimes Alex looks at situations before him and feels a bit detached.  
It’s hard to believe that this is his life now, it really is.  
Because he’s in a great band and has amazing friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and an actual support system.  
They’re all dividing the little money they have started making with the band, and he’s starting to save up for therapy for when he’s 18.

He always has a home to go to, even though the place he grew up in feels less and less like that.  
He has the Patterson’s house, when they and Luke get along.  
The Molina household, who always welcome him with open arms and warm hugs and encouraging smiles.

He has his people to come home to, because wherever they are, he feels safe.

He has Luke, who sings him songs, and rubs his back, keeps a steady grip on him when he needs it, distracts him with music because that’s what he runs on. Luke, who gives him blinding grins and small smiles, who teases him endlessly until he finally snaps back at him and cracks a smile.  
Luke, who sometimes comes in and looks so close to tears that all Alex does is hug him and gives him reassurances that he’s loved, and that what they’re doing is right, and that his passion is what makes him _Luke_ , uniquely Luke, and that that shouldn’t change, ever.  
And Alex loves him.

He has Reggie, who doesn’t ask questions and starts talking about whatever comes to mind, when Alex is too exhausted or tense to explain. Reggie, who wraps an arm around his shoulder and doesn’t let go until Alex moves again, who ropes him into cooking something at three in the morning, giggling and trying to keep quiet, who gives out wisdoms and says the dumbest stuff in the same breath.  
Reggie, who sometimes calls in the middle of the night and Alex can hear the loud screaming in the background, who flinches when someone accidentally drops a glass, and flees when arguments get too passionate, doesn’t stop trembling after until Alex sits with him and holds his hand and lets him ramble about country songs or Star Wars.  
And Alex loves him.

He has Julie, who opened up her house to him when he needed it most. Julie, who can take one look at him and sit him down, make him a coffee, or tea, or hot chocolate and paints his nails, braids his hair, and does face masks with him. Julie, who cuddles with him, wraps her small, warm body around him and listens to him rant, offering advice when he needs it.  
Julie, who sometimes stops in band practice because she starts doubting their choices, Julie, who comes to sit with him when she’s had an argument with the others, or her parents, or when she’s feeling down, and who’s head he lets her rest on his shoulder, their legs tangling, while they talk or sit in silence.  
And Alex loves her.

He has Flynn, too. Flynn, who hasn't known him as long as some of the others, but sits down with him anyway, and distracts him by talking about the newest celebrity gossip, or rumours at school, the hottest fashion trends or tell stories of Julie when they were younger. Flynn, who is there not only for him and the band, but also manages their social media and helps out wherever she can.  
Flynn, who sometimes confesses to fearing that Julie might forget about her, because she's so close with them, who tells him in quiet, cracking whispers that she feels left out sometimes because she has a good homelife and doesn't spend as much with the Molina's as they do, and who he hugs and reassures to the best of his abilities and holds tight in warm embraces.  
And he loves her.

He now has Willie too, when he needs it. Willie, who opens up his arms, and runs his fingers through his hair, lends him shirts and screams with him in living rooms. Willie, who sits next to him and listens, who makes jokes and tells dumb stories, who holds his hands and brushes his tears away, and kisses Alex until he forgets the world surroudning him.  
Willie, who sometimes presses his thumb into his scar after another disagreement with Caleb so hard that his knuckle turns white until Alex takes his hand. Who stands on the sidelines when they’re at the Molina’s and watches them with an unsure look on his face, until Alex wraps an arm around his waist, or takes his hand to get him involved. Willie, who admits to being afraid of the future, and his dad choosing his career over him, in the middle of the night, his head on Alex’s chest, their hands intertwined, whom Alex coaxes back to his happier self with kisses and stories of his and his band’s dumb ideas.  
And. Alex loves him, he thinks.

It’s different love than what he feels for Luke and Reggie and Julie and Flynn.  
Different from what he feels for the Molina’s and yes, even his own parents still, in a weird way. (He doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop loving his parents, only hopes that someday that love might stop hurting as much as it does.)

With his friends his love for them is a natural thing, pulsing through him with every beat of his heart, something that feels as easy as breathing and is steady like the rhythm he provides in their music.  
With Willie things are different.  
It’s turbulent, overwhelming at times, gripping onto him, tearing at him like rapids, dangerously close to pulling him under.

His love for Willie is like rapids, too much for him to handle at times, daunting, fast, able to pull him under. It’s gripping and consuming and Alex is afraid of it, because what if he steps into it? What if he fights through the rapids and then there’s just a drop, when he tells Willie about it.  
A big, big waterfall, and he doesn’t know what’s at the bottom.  
It’s soft, and quiet sometimes, too, a breeze on a summer day, soft and warm, a relief in a world that's too hot and too much.

It’s so different, and so intense, and changes and Alex wonders whether it feels the same for Julie and Luke.

Willie is. Well. Willie is Willie.  
Willie is warmth and safety and golden and so, so much, that Alex sometimes has to step back so he doesn’t burn up.  
He reminds Alex of the sun.  
His warm brown skin glowing in it’s light, and the sparkle in the deep brown eyes that Alex could write poems about.  
His laugh is like the first warm days in spring after a cold winter, always lovely to hear.

With Willie things are still so new. And, well.  
Alex doesn’t really dare to think of his feelings as love, romantic love, because they’re both so young, and they’ve only been dating for three months and isn’t it too early? Becuase while he knows that he likes him, but does Willie love him? 

So yes. Alex knows, in theory, that he loves Willie.  
Has known for some time, probably, but is too afraid to confront his feelings, and tries to keep them contained.  
It’s a flimsy cage, they’re in, and they threaten to spill out when he lets his guard down.  
Last week didn’t help, because, if anything, Willie’s actions and help during his panic attack made Alex fall even harder.

"All done," Julie announces and rips Alex out of his thoughts.

He flaps his hands around a bit, even though he knows that won’t help them dry faster and turns his full attention on the other boys.  
Luke managed to find a balloon that they’ve blown up. From what Alex can gather through shouts and giggles their goal is to not let it touch the ground while also playing the floor is lava, and throwing a stress ball around, that he’s pretty sure actually belongs to him.  
It’s dumb, and it’s dangerous because they keep coming into very close proximity to their instruments, and Luke’s just thrown himself on the piano bench to get the balloon.  
Reggie’s hopping over pillows strewn on the floor to get to it now, and Willie just manages to catch the stress ball Luke’s hurled at him, and it’s so, so endearing to watch. They’re all giggling and heckling at each other.  
Julie and Alex watch in amusement as Willie tries to shove Luke off the piano bench, and then sprint back over the pillows to get the balloon, nearly knocking his head against the ladder up to the loft.

“Christ,” Julie says, but she knocks her shoulder into Alex’s and they’re both grinning, watching their boys do their thing.

Alex’s eyes keep following Willie, who has now thrown the stress ball at Reggie and is safely set on an armchair while Luke keeps knocking the balloon farther out of his reach and swearing. And he follows Willie as he gets up again, to get the balloon from the middle of the room.  
Watches the loose strands of dark hair frame Willie’s face, and his eyes shine with joy and the grin that’s directed at him.  
Willie’s like the sun to him. Warm and bright, and reliable. He misses it, when he doesn’t see Willie.

Secretly, Alex has started calling Willie sunshine.  
Only in his head.  
But Willie is like that.  
He’s the sunshine on an early morning, brightening the day and warming up the world surrounding him.  
Alex wants to bathe in Willie’s attention, melts under his warm touches, dislikes seeing a cloud pass over his face and miss that smile, and the warm brown eyes and-.

He realizes, as he watches Willie play this stupid game with his best friends, that he does love him.  
And that he can’t deny it.

Alex isn’t as impulsive as his best friends are. But considering said best friends are Luke and Reggie, that doesn’t mean much. He’s too in his head at times, to make snap decisions, and while he isn’t afraid of speaking his mind, he usually takes care in what he says.  
Not right now, though.

“Hey, Willie?” he calls, before his brain catches up with his heart.

The boy turns to look in his direction, balancing on a pile of blankets.

“I love you,”

It takes a second for all of them to realize what just happened, Alex included.  
The words hang in the air between them, almost seem to freeze time, as they all stop in their tracks.

Julie gasps next to him, clamping her hands to her mouth.  
Reggie’s mouth falls open.  
Luke slaps a hand to his forehead, dragging it down slowly.

Alex, feeling cold, hard panic rush in, focuses on Willie.  
He’s staring at Alex with a slightly open mouth, most of the tension going out of his body.  
The stress ball that Luke just threw for him to catch hits him in the chest.  
Willie keeps staring at Alex.  
Behind him, a yellow balloon floats down and hits the floor.

He keeps staring at Alex.  
Alex keeps staring at Willie.

What the _fuck_ has he just done.

“I think it’s a good time to go and ask dad if he remembered to buy ice cream,” Julie, bless her heart, says next to him. She gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder while simultaneously looking at him with absolute disbelief and gets up.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Luke agrees, slowly, and pulls Reggie with him along the way.

The studio’s doors open and close.  
Alex and Willie stare at each other.

Alex springs into action first, because he probably fucked up everything now, and he has to fix it.  
He just has to.

He gets up, takes a step in Willie’s direction, and stops, doesn't really know what to do, and so he just starts speaking.

“I’m so sorry, Willie. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that and I’m sorry, it’s probably too early for that, you don’t have to say it back right now, or ever really. I should have thought his out, holy shit, I’m so sorry, I don’t know when it would have been appropriate to say, but not now and please don’t think I’m trying to pressure you into anything I just didn’t think, I’m sorry-” the words spill out of him way too fast, he doesn’t even know what he’s saying, all he wants to do is fix this, somehow.

Willie finally moves again, stepping down from the pile of blankets and hurries over to Alex.

“Hey, Hotdog, can you please take a breath for me?” he asks, interrupting whatever the fuck Alex is rambling out right now. Alex shuts right up, and inhales.

“Okay, I’m sorry-” he starts again.

Willie cups his face with his hands, Alex stops. Maybe Willie is going to let him down gently, tell him he likes him but not this much and-

“Please don’t be. I love you, too,” Willie says, his voice soft, and eyes warm, and he's smiling at Alex.

Huh.

What?

“Why?” Alex says, because that’s the only coherent thing his brain seems capable of producing right now. Everything else is just babbling and screaming.

“Are you serious?”

“I-, I don’t know?”

“Do you want a list of reasons ranked alphabetically or based on when I noticed them?”

“What?”

“Alex, sweetheart, are you okay?” Willie asks, sounding genuinely concerned.

Alex tries searching his face for any indication that this is a joke. There is none.

“I guess I am. This is a lot,”

Willie snorts, his hands still on Alex’s jaw, thumbs now softly stroking his cheekbones.

“What did you think would happen when you said that?”

“I didn’t really think, honestly, it just happened,”

“But you meant it?” there’s now a hint of insecurity in Willie’s eyes, they keep roaming over Alex’s features, trying to find a clue. Alex takes another deep breath, having once again forgotten how to breathe apparently.

“Absolutely,”

“Good,” Willie says, and leans up.

He hesitates for a second, eyebrows rising a little to ask Alex if what he’s doing is okay.  
Alex places his hands on Willie’s hips, and pulls him closer.  
Willie kisses him.

It’s reminiscent of their first kiss, in a way. They keep grinning, both now giddy with excitement and love, holy shit, Alex is in _love_ and it’s reciprocated, what the fuck.  
And Willie pushes at him, kissing him with so much force that Alex loses his balance and tumbles back onto the couch, grabbing onto Willie for support, but they just both end falling and Alex’s back is bent a bit uncomfortably, but he doesn’t care because Willie is kissing him, and Willie loves him, and he loves Willie.

Willie pulls back, both of them now breathing heavily. He grins down at Alex, pushes his hair out of his face. He’s practically straddling Alex against the couch.

“I love you,” Willie says, and beams.

He’s the sunshine on a clear summer day, and the cooling breeze coming from the sea.  
He’s the sweet smell of blooming fields in spring and the bright glow of a blazing sunset.  
He’s everything, and more and somehow, for some reason he loves Alex.

“I love you too,” Alex answers.

Willie smiles and leans his forehead against Alex’s for a moment, letting the words settle and them breathe.

“The others are never going to let me live this down,” Alex groans, when he realizes that he just confessed his love in front of them.

“No, they won’t. I won’t either,” Willie agrees,

“Great, okay,”

“It’s your own fault,”

“Actually it’s yours because you’re too pretty not to fall in love with,”

“Is that so?” Willie, sits up and leans back, his tone teasing and his eyes bright.

Alex grins. “Yeah, you can’t just be the greatest, sweetest guy in existence and expect me not to love you,”

Willie hums. “Well, you can’t go around being madly talented, and beautiful and funny and expect not to steal my heart,”

“Oh, okay,” Alex’s voice cracks and he flushes.

“Yeah,” Willie says, looking self satisfied, then kisses him again.

“I get why Luke says we’re disgusting now,” Alex mumbles against his lips.

Willie starts laughing. “We really are, huh?”

Alex nods, and then his back starts screaming at him.  
He shifts to get into a more comfortable position, and Willie notices, gets up and pulls back Alex into a standing position with him.

“Say it again, though?” he pleads.

“I love you,” Alex says.

It’s unbelievable, really, how fast he’s started to feel comfortable to say it.  
Then again, it’s unbelievable how fast he felt comfortable around Willie, and how fast he was completely gone for him.

“Love you too, even if you told me for the first time in front of friends,”

Alex sighs. “We should probably let them back in, hiding outside behind the doors can’t be the most comfortable thing to do,”

“It really isn’t,” Reggie answers, busting the doors open.

He’s holding a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

“Reggie!” Julie protests. She at least has the audacity to look slightly guilty.

Luke just follows after Reggie, holding his own Ben & Jerry’s pint and a few spoons.

“He knew, babe! And also it’s his own fucking fault we’ve been listening to them if he needs to profess his love in front of us,”

“I still can’t believe you actually did that,” Julie says, sighing. She enters last, holding the rest of the spoons and a few bowls, and she shakes her head at Alex, who feels himself flush with embarassment immediately.

“Didn’t you just thank Luke at first, when he told you loved you?” Willie asks. God, Alex really is in love with that boy.

Reggie throws himself into a beanbag, cracking up, and Luke doesn’t really do anything to hide his laughter.

“You’re on thin fucking ice, Convington, you just stared and let Alex panic for a solid ten seconds,” Julie shoots back, pointing the spoons at Willie threateningly 

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Willie amends, earning a laugh.

Ice cream is distributed, and they settle back in. Alex is sandwiched between Julie and Willie, Reggie remains in his beanbag and Luke leans his back against the couch where Julie's sitting.

“Hey, Julie?” Alex asks, when he looks down at his hands clutching his bowl.

“Yeah?” she answers, muffled around her spoon.

“On a scale of one to ten, how mad would you be if I said I may have ruined my nails?”

She sighs. “I’ll redo them later,”

“You’re the best,”

“He says, next to his boyfriend whom he just confessed his undying loved to,” Luke comments.

“It wasn’t my undying love!” Alex splutters, but Luke’s already turned his attention to his girlfriend who’s not at all failing at hiding her laughter, while snuggled into Alex’s side.

“Hey, Julie? How come Alex gets his nails redone when he ruined them by making out with his boyfriend but you told me you wouldn’t redo mine last week?”

“Because, mi amor, I’m positive Alex did not think, at all, and so he didn’t think about his nails, while you ignored that I said to not do anything with your fingers for five minutes just to play your guitar,”

“Well, you don’t gotta be so rude about it,” Luke says, and pouts until Julie rolls her eyes and kisses him on the cheek.

“I don’t know if I should feel insulted or not,” Alex mumbles to Willie who grins at him.

“You didn’t really think though, babe, so it’s just a fair observation,”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? Willie and I were planning a whole romantic date and you went and fucked up our plans,” Reggie says from his beanbag.

“Reggie! That was supposed to be a secret!” Willie protests, and a bright blush creeps up his face.

“Doesn’t matter anymore, man, Alex ruined it,”

“Still,”

“You were planning to tell me?” Alex asks.

Willie turns to him, sheepish. “Kinda, yeah. Make it a whole romantic thing, y’know,”

“That’s cute, I’m sorry I ruined it,” Alex says.

“It’s okay, wanna know why?”

“Hm?”

“Because I love you,”

Alex leans in but doesn’t even get to kiss his boyfriend because of Luke.

“You two are literally disgusting,”

“So are you,” Julie says.

“You’re supposed to be on my side, you’re my girlfriend!”

“And as your girlfriend I remember us being the same if not worse when we started dating, now eat your ice cream, Patterson,”

“I hate this fucking family,” Luke grumbles, but concedes.

“She’s right though, it was sickening to watch you two,” Alex agrees.

“I thought it was sweet,” Reggie says. Sweet, sweet Reggie. Who's also a huge fucking liar.

“You literally bullied me for learning spanish words so I could tell Julie I loved her in Spanish?” Luke looks and sounds genuienly offended.

Next to Alex, Willie just starts laughing.

“I never said I didn’t make fun of you, rightfully so, I might add,” Reggie tells Luke earnestly.

“Can we please go five minutes without some nonsensical discussion, guys? I’m begging at this point,” Julie interrupts.

“Well, Julie-” Alex starts, mentally rifling through all the topics he knows that Julie will jump on in a second.

“Alex, please, I just want five minutes of peace without worrying one of us will start throwing something,”

“We’re not that bad,” he protests.

“Yes, you are,” both Willie and Julie say, leaving Alex, Luke and Reggie to gasp in mock offense.

“Wow, I can’t believe the betrayal in this room,” Reggie says.

“I hate this fucking family,” Luke repeats.

Julie rolls her eyes at them fondly.  
Alex gets distracted, because he’s looking at Willie, and Willie has this soft, vulnerable look to him that he sees rarely, mostly in the safety and solitude of his home when they wake up from a nap.  
It’s a look he’s gotten to see more often lately, but never directed at anyone but him.  
And now it’s directed at his friends.

“I really love all of you guys, too,” Willie says, quietly. He looks over at Alex, for a split second, all soft lines and warm tones, the sun on a warm summer morning, before letting his gaze roam the rest of the room.

“It would have been so easy for you to just tolerate me because I’m Alex’s boyfriend, but I already feel like I’ve known you all for years now, and I’m thankful I get to part of this crazy weird family dynamic you have going on, even though I’m a bit of an outsider,” Willie adds after a moment of silence.

“Fuck, bro, we love you too!” Reggie says, and his voice cracks a bit.

Alex can’t tear his eyes away from Willie, because he looks uncharacteristically shy now, and seems to seek comfort in him, of all people, and so he reaches out and takes Willie’s free hand and holds it tight.

“Don’t make me cry, Willie, of course you’re part of the family now! How could you not be,” Luke says, already shifting to put his bowl down.

“Not only do we see how happy you make Alex, but you’re also a great guy in general, and it’s very hard not to love you,” Julie says.

“Still, thank you all,” Willie just manages to say before Luke throws himself onto him to hug him. Reggie is not short behind and Julie crawls over Alex and the other two boys to get to Willie. 

The couch is definitely too small for five teenagers to cuddle on, especially when two of them are still holding bowls of ice cream, but Alex doesn’t mind.  
He tries his best to hug his friends, his boyfriend back, and smiles, and presses a kiss to Willie’s cheek and one on the crown of Julie’s head, and gets one back from Reggie because he’s the only one that can reach his face.  
He loves his friends, and he loves Willie, and Willie loves him, and his friends and although not all of that is the same, it’s still a warm, secure feeling that makes Alex more content than he thought he could be.  
Things might not be great in the world, but in this moment they are pretty damn good.

**Author's Note:**

> Willie: haha yeah i'll tell alex i'm in love with him  
> Alex: says it first  
> Willie.exe has stopped working it's just incoherent screaming until Alex panics, then he reboots because the need to comfort his bf is bigger than the gay
> 
> as always: i'm neither american nor a native english speaker so i apologize for any mistakes that may have occured.  
> and if you wanna chat about jatp (or whatever, really, i don't have many friends) or simply want to follow me you can find me on Tumblr @[on-irratia](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/on-irratia)  
> Have a nice day/night/whatever I'm posting this at 1:30 am so goodnight :D


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